I don’t like being alone. I don’t particularly have a lot of experience in this area. I’ve always been surrounded by family, classmates, roommates, or now — my husband. But sometimes we are thrown into new circumstances that seem challenging and even a bit frightening. This weekend Matthew flew to the east coast to be at his youngest brother’s graduation which consequently meant I would be home alone for four nights. While this might seem like a short amount time, to a twenty-something gal like me living in LA, short on friends but not on time, this was a terrifying concept.
Of course Matt should be at his brother’s graduation and spend time with his family. I’m not saying our vows meant he should drag me along wherever he goes (Lord knows it’s better when a woman goes shopping without her man). But coming home to an empty apartment knowing no one else will be breaking the silence except your own footsteps…that frightens me. And why shouldn’t it? I’m not used it. It’s new and foreign. And we often fear the experiences we’ve never had.
So what does this lonely Type A woman do? Research.
I texted my very short list of friends living near me if they were available to hang out. Unfortunately, the downside to having other girlfriends with husbands or boyfriends is that they’re also busy with their SO’s 98% of the time unless you book hangout dates way in advance.
Plan B. I looked up things to do in LA that aren’t awful when you’re alone. Fortunately, this was an easy task with multiple options. My only limitations were — Me.
Matt and I only have one car, and since I walk to work, Matt does all the driving. ALL the driving. It’s been just over two years since our move to the west coast and once we went down to one car between us, I’ve driven all of 2 times since our stay. 1. I don’t enjoy driving, and 2. It’s freakin’ LA and the drivers are nuts. Not to mention the traffic EVERYWHERE.
So Matt drives. All the time.
Which means… this lonely weekend would be as awesome or as lonely depending on how far (or not) I was willing to drive to get to ANY activity that involved leaving the apartment.
I planned my weekend with as many options as possible: movies or shows I could binge should I choose to stay in, and a mega long list of potential fun activities that were acceptable for a single individual.
Thursday night was my first night alone and spoilers, I cried saying goodbye to Matt in the car as he dropped me off at work. Not just because he was flying out that day, but also because I’m a worrier, and just want him to come back in one piece. But that night I settled in with back to back High School Musical movies as I knocked off laundry and other fun chores on my list.
Friday night was a little trickier because when the world is literally your oyster, it’s really tough to make decisions. At least I’ve learned it is for me.
I made a long list of weekend possibilities so I decided to settle in the night with Netflix binging and coloring. (But like, cool coloring. Check out my IG @hannahchimento.) I also took a shower at 10:30pm, blow-dried and styled my hair at 11:30pm and went to bed at 1:45am because I’m an ADULT and these were the choices I made.
Friday at work I was so pumped for the activities I found, I was convinced I’d check off everything on my list just so I could tell Matt later, “Look! I did something!” But then binging Netflix later that night, that so-called strong independent woman fizzled away and questioned herself as she ate chocolate and thought it might be easier to stay-in all weekend and watch a ton of movies.
Saturday morning I woke up with the same urge I always have. Man, I really need to get out of this apartment and go do something. Every Saturday morning I want to eat breakfast and get ready for my adventure. My weekends are when I live my life, not at work. So they’re precious to me. And today… I was going to drive.
While putting on my makeup, I bounced back and forth between exactly how far I would drive. I could stay close in town… or… there was a Strawberry Festival in Oxnard about 1.5 hours away. And again, maybe that’s no big deal to you, but for me, this was my dragon.
I read a lot of fantasy books and lately I’ve been into strong female characters. (But of course, it’s 2018 afterall.) And like all avid readers, sometimes you wish you could live in these magical worlds and interact with your favorite characters or even just take a small droplet of their big personality and be a little more like the character you admire most. Well, I can’t exactly fight off monsters, save the world from a magical threat, or use mystic powers to solve my problems. But I can be brave. I can try to be fearless. I can choose not to be Rapunzel stuck in a tower waiting for someone to drive her out of LA. I have the keys, I have the means. So I thought about my favorite strong females from the stories I’ve read. They would go. They wouldn’t let anything hold them back. And so I went.
Channeling my inner curse-breaker and fire-breather alter egos, I grabbed the keys and left. I put my favorite playlist of music on to chill me out and just the fact that I was committed to the drive gave me more courage. I can do this! No big deal. Of course there was traffic, but I’m a patient person when it comes to that, so I sang along to the the melodies and relaxed. I took winding roads over the hills and drove past farms and horses. It was a lovely drive and I did it alone.
Not to mention the Strawberry Festival was my reward. I checked out every single vendor, took my time and felt at ease. Then I got a strawberry smoothie and rolled over to Grandma’s house for a quick hello and then back on the road to get home before sundown.
Sunday was easier. Now that I proved to myself that I could commit to 1.5 hours there and back again, today’s adventure was closer to home in Beverly Hills. There was a fine arts show that was close enough for me to Uber to… but I did it once, so I could do it again. I drove over and found free two-hour parking and strategically mapped out my path so I would be able to check out every single stall. I don’t know what it is about tents and vendors but I’ll take a day at the fair or market over the mall anytime.
As I said, I had a million things on my list of activities but after my strolling up and down the winding path full of interesting paintings, sculptures and 3D art, I was exhausted and ready to relax.
Matt truly is a wonderful husband. I must have whined more than I thought because each night I was alone, Matt texted me asking me to look in a obscure place because he “left” something behind. As I walked over, I would find a card and some form of chocolate waiting for me. He did this 3 times. Last night as he asked me to look in his top dresser drawer, I also found a poem along with a card and box of Milanos. The poem was about how strong and brave and capable I was. And just when I thought I was truly fine, I broke down in tears because even though I slayed some dragons this weekend, it was still challenging for me and it didn’t change the fact that I don’t particularly care for being alone.
I learned a lot this weekend. I feel as if my fictional characters would be proud of me and my accomplishments. I feel more confident and learned you don’t have to do EVERYTHING on your list because you don’t have to prove anything to anyone but yourself. And also, it’s okay to not be okay. That’s what makes us human.
